For those who have been reading my dribbles for some time, you might have noticed how much I missed the sea, the warmth, and the South. Last month I’ve made a turn and relocated back to Spain, after a long process of preparation. I would like to walk you through my n-th relocation in life, and probably the most complex one.

The complexity comes from the fact that I was indeed very torn between how lucky I am living in Berlin, the centre of the modern cultural world, being in a very comfortable position in one of the stellar music companies and with a loving boyfriend living quite a similar scenario in his industry. We’ve just moved in together to a place we made so much ‘ours’, yet we knew that our rent will not go for much longer than one year. This is where the first cracks started to spoil the image of perfect happiness. Was it really? Housing situation, even if you are pretty well-off, is dramatic in Berlin AD 2019. There’s simply too many people attracted to this city and too little space for them to live in, which makes the market ultra competitive. The cost of living rises, but obviously this is not met with the salaries. The companies come and go, or at least make you go through pretty harsh twists and turns, and there’s no such thing like stability offered anymore. You notice you work more hours or at least think and talk about work all the time. Your friends as well. You’re quite lucky if you manage to see them once in a month, even the closest ones. The winter lasts for about nine months – and it’s not the cold that makes you so miserable, it’s the lack of light, the constant greyness. Last but not least, it’s gloomy. Even if you love the black colour, the sadness of jazz, after 5 years it starts to affect you. Is this how I imagine my life to be for the upcoming couple of years? Do I have to spend my weekends flying down to Spain, Portugal or Italy and polluting the planet instead of just… relocating back? I couldn’t help but trying to plot how could this look like, if it happened for real.

I started tucking myself and preparing a plan. I need a job, which would be comparibly attractive with what I have, but offering more growth, preferably in a less gentrified place than Berlin or Barcelona, where life is somewhat easier and more pleasant. Where I speak the language good enough to understand the context and culture, and which makes me smile, not felt misunderstood. Where I can watch the sea and hike in the mountains. Where I can predict the weather will be sunny for most of the year. Magically, a person from my network tells me there’s a very good opportunity in Malaga, in a company that is investing a lot into their employees and is technically speaking, fantastic. I am pretty surprised that my scenario can be true, but would it hurt trying? I test the waters and enjoy conversing with my potential future leader, and in two weeks from then I am invited together with my boyfriend to spend a few days in the city to get the feeling how is it in January (the coldest month of the year, around 20 degrees during the day and sunny) and get to know more people from the company. At this point we really enjoy our time in Malaga, but don’t think that this would seriously happen… until I get the offer. With a relocation package and guarantee that my boyfriend would be able to settle down with me without the necessity of finding a new gig from the start, but to live life a bit slower, mindful while learning Spanish and focusing on his projects. My job sounds exactly as I wanted: a step up, with great degree of vision and strategy. We decide to make the move and then the process only starts. 3 months to go. We are as excited as scared.

As it happens with unexpected twists and turns in life, no one really expected us to relocate to Malaga. They would bet on Barcelona, Lisbon, maybe Valencia or Oporto which are considered more ‘modern’. We leave our comfort zone greatly, and face the initial disapproval coming from the family, which is simply worried about us going so drastically further away than Berlin or friends who see us as these cool guys who would die out of boredom on Costa del Sol. Not all of them though, some see it as a great opportunity. They just need some time to understand this decision and support us through the change. My Mom goes, in parallel, through another transformational time, selling out our family house and settling down in a flat in the centre of the city, to be more connected with friends and family, to cut down the costs and be able to travel and enjoy life more. I feel I will be missing her a lot (now being away by just 2,5 hours on the train) and worry how this will all go. I also talk a lot with my boyfriend, how different our life will be and how we can support each other. I feel we grow stronger through this process and that I have never loved him more than now.

At the same time, we create a project management tool to go through the shlepp of: resigning from work, from the flat, cancelling all the running contracts in Germany, finding a transportation company, deciding what to take with, sell the remaining things, look for the new tenants, and paperwork that sees no end. Finally, saying countless goodbyes to our friends, probably the most emotional part of letting go off an important chapter. Until the last day I can’t actually let the tears go by, but then I burst at every single memory from that important period of my life. Our flat is completely empty, after having packed the full truck with our stuff, and we have 6 suitcases to take onboard the flight. The day has come, it’s 31st May 2019.

The flight is blissful and the stress goes away, we are ready for the new adventure. The partner from the relocation company picks us up from the airport in Malaga and lets us into our temporary flat prepared by the company, where we will spend the next three months. There’s even a fridge prepared for us so that we don’t have to worry about the groceries, I feel really embraced. We spend our first weekend in between our favourite restaurants, the beach and hiking through the nearby mountains. I can’t be happier, but I am aware this is a part of the cultural shock and that difficult days may come up. At work I feel extremely welcome and trusted from day one. As agreed, I get a great sense of responsibilities and my ideas are very embraced. We get to know first people, both expats and Spaniards, and the friends and family we left behind are starting to plan the visits. We found our flat! We will move in on September 1st to a more residential neighbourhood where we’ll be still quite close to the centre and the sea at the same time, but further away from the tourist traps (that’s probably the most disappointing part of the relocation, but that calls for another topic).

It’s been over 3 weeks now and in the meantime, we note everything in our physical notebooks, day by day, not to lose the sense of the process. There are great days and more challenging ones, but I start noting the change in how I walk, breathe and talk. It’s been almost 5 years writing this blog and Berlinering, at the same time, and I am looking for a new way of expression, might be a longer form at some point.

So far, I can only say that I am surprisingly at peace.